Jan 15, 2020
BONUS Episode: Today's episode was pulled from Dr. David Fawcett's podcast "Sex, Love, and Addiction: Healing Conversations for Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Men". Dr. Fawcett had the one and only Dr. Rob on to discuss sex addiction and chem sex in men. Dr. Rob dives into why we shouldn’t separate the relationship with drugs and sex in therapy because it’s often combined and needs to be addressed together. He also believes there’s a lot of benefit for hosting gay and straight group therapies together because the commonality of being men can open up a big dialogue and he believes that for most people in therapy, the biggest thing we are seeking is a real and meaningful connection.
TAKEAWAYS:
[2:40] Dr. Rob didn’t realize in the very beginning how drug addiction is so closely linked with sex addiction. We have to look at both, not either/or.
[3:55] How does Dr. Rob see the effect of trauma play into these addictions later in life?
[6:50] Gay, transexual, and transgender people struggle a lot with their relationship to sex, and culturally we still haven’t gotten to openly talk about these issues.
[9:35] Dr. David has seen two worlds collide in a beautiful way. Gay men had their reservations/thoughts about straight men and vice versa. By sharing group therapy sessions together, a real dialogue has begun to open up between them where it’s just men sharing their experiences and trauma.
[11:55] Dr. Rob shares a story about a man who hated what turned him on, but when he did drugs, he was able to indulge in these sexual interests. The work Dr. Rob does has a lot to do with helping people come to peace with their sexual desires.
[12:40] Seeking Integrity gets a lot of clients that have a misunderstanding that treatment and addiction are about ‘curing’ themselves, but it’s about self-acceptance.
[16:50] Dr. David breaks down why alcohol is a drug.
[21:25] So many people that Dr. David and Dr. Rob treat are looking for a connection and use drugs to fill it, but in reality, it creates more emptiness.
[25:45] There’s so much more to you than your bodies. As you get older, you’re just not going to get noticed that much and it can be very hurtful to the ego or identify about yourself.
RESOURCES:
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men by Dr. Robert Weiss
Email Rob: Rob@SeekingIntegrity.com
QUOTES:
- “People are what grounds us, not substances or behaviors.”
- “Which one defines your entire life more? Being male or being gay? Man trumps gay every time.”
- “To define sessions as ‘gay’ or ‘straight’ is to sort of like saying why don’t we have a program for African American men or Asian men? There’s so much in common being a man struggling with sexual issues.”
- “Our work is a lot about teaching a person to come to peace or celebrate their sexuality without having to use drugs and alcohol.”