Oct 11, 2018
Noah Church is an expert, recovery coach, speaker and author of Wack: Addicted to Internet Porn, and evolution of the porn addiction treatment world. Today, he talks about the difference between addiction and dysfunction, his own personal experience and struggle with porn addiction, the ways porn and sex addiction differ, and what he is doing to make a difference.
TAKEAWAYS:
[2:12] Noah himself began using porn at age 9. At 24, he realized how much of a negative impact his porn use had on the rest of his life, and knew he had to seek help and change things around.
[3:41] In both porn and sex addiction, there is a stigma to fight, and people that need support. In sex addiction, Rob has seen a deep early trauma, and a pervasive intimacy disorder that affects their dating life and general ability to function in any sort of healthy relationship.
[5:51] Noah has the perspective of someone that both has gone through porn addiction, and someone that helps others recover in their own struggles.
[9:25] When Noah was 18 and in his first long term relationship, he experienced difficulty with sexual intimacy and what he would later learn to be was porn induced erectile dysfunction. The pattern repeated up until Noah had graduated from college, and he confronted the issue and recognized it was something he needed to leave behind.
[16:53] It was when Noah watched Gary Wilson’s TEDx talk on “The great porn experiment” that he began an understanding of recovery and a light at the end of the tunnel. He began sharing his experience online, and even shared his experiences with his romantic partner.
[21:54] If you were exposed to porn in an excessive way before puberty, it’s going to cause damage. Fetishes typically develop around ages 9-11.
[25:25] Noah sees a blurry middle between a sex addict and a porn addict. Some of his clients have a primary porn addiction which has escalated into engaging in destructive sexual behavior, and some have never had sex.
[28:12] Virtual Reality porn will present a whole new host of issues and challenges in both porn and sex addiction. While VR may be more addictive than the state of porn now, we will have to wait and see how it affects real life intimacy.
[32:37] Only 20 states in the nation offer sex education, and of those 20 states, 12 require parental permission.
RESOURCES
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency
Wack: Addicted to Internet Porn by Noah B.E. Church
The great porn experiment | Gary Wilson | TEDxGlasgow
QUOTES:
- “Over time, curiosity became compulsion, and it began to replace my drive to actually connect with the people in my life.”
- “I didn’t have any trauma that led me to pornography, but the pornography led me to trauma.”
- “It’s not about what you are looking at or how often, it’s about how it’s affecting your life as a whole.”
- “Addiction thrives in isolation and secrecy. It feels good to break down those walls.”